Mercer Times

Two researchers from The College of New Jersey (TCNJ) have been exploring ways to manage conflict in romantic relationships. Their work suggests that arguments can be used as opportunities to enhance intimacy rather than escalate tension.

Candice Feiring, a Senior Research Scholar at TCNJ, has been leading studies at the college's Romantic Relationship Research Lab. Her research focuses on how couples handle conflicts and explores methods for improving these interactions. She emphasizes the different interpretations partners may have of the same events, which can lead to misunderstandings and disputes.

Feiring notes that while one partner might react negatively to a situation, another might understand it differently due to factors like stress. "One person might say, ‘What a jerk. I’m really angry,’” she explains. “Another person might say, ‘I get it, they’ve been super-stressed lately. I know they’ll make it up to me.’”

To address these issues, Feiring developed HeartSmarts, a program using animations aimed at teaching relationship skills to young adults aged 18–25. This initiative specifically targets LGBTQ+ youth by featuring androgynous characters and scenarios relevant to queer relationships.

Alongside public health and communications associate professor Yachao Li, Feiring conducted a study showing that young people responded positively to these animations and were motivated to apply the skills in their own relationships. This approach is expected to contribute positively not only to relationship quality but also to mental and physical health over time.

Feiring believes conflicts should not always be viewed as threats but rather as chances for partners to better understand each other's needs while expressing their own feelings. “Conflicts are common among people who are close,” she says. “You might actually think of them as a way to foster intimacy.”

Their findings offer timely advice for those seeking better ways of managing romantic conflicts just ahead of Valentine’s Day.